


Breaks on the Sheltering Bars

by elleinstead



Series: Bad Days [1]
Category: Marvel, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Gen, Mild Gore, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-24
Updated: 2013-03-24
Packaged: 2017-12-06 04:55:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/731660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elleinstead/pseuds/elleinstead
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Sometimes Natasha feels sick.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breaks on the Sheltering Bars

Sometimes Natasha feels sick. Sick to the point that her food is replaced by human organs covered in burn marks. To the point where everyone she sees is someone she's killed from Before. To the point where she can only hear in Russian, in his voice. Instructions on how to kill those around her as efficiently and quietly as possible. How to best remove the evidence from her body, from her clothing. To the point where she has to stop herself from becoming unmade once again. Those tend to be her bad days. Like today. 

Today, she does not want to leave her apartment. Does not want to make sure that her mask is on securely, that it's not fraying around the edges waiting for the slightest mistake to rip apart and expose her weakness. But she knows that there is no possibility of continuing her containment. She must go outside where it isn't safe and report in for a new mission. A place where she can escape, however briefly, from her mind. 

So, instead of staying inside and retesting her traps, Natasha rises from her bed and dresses in an inconspicuous style (she knows this from previous experiments. No one looked at her the last time these clothes were on her body). Her makeup is impeccable; none of her scars are showing. Not even the one from Sao Paolo that cuts across her nose. 

Before she leaves, she makes sure that there is no tear in her mask. She must look calm and focused throughout the day ahead. No one must know that she has begun to see red around the corners of her mind. 

This sickness will pass, she thinks as she locks her door, it always does. 

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from the poem 'The Heart of a Woman' by Georgia Douglas Johnson.


End file.
